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Here it is another month and I’ve went and forgotten to start blogging again. I had all the earnest of heart anyone could imagine to get back in the swing of things, but it seems life will not let me. If it isn’t one thing, it sure is another. This past week, both Baby G and I have been sick and on top of that ALL OF LAST MONTH I have been trying desperately to find another job.

Before anyone shouts at me for even mentioning looking for another job in this economy, please let me explain. I am beyond myself in worry. Number one, we are getting by on practically one salary right now…which isn’t horrible as I know we have it much better than MOST folks, but after a year or so- enough’s enough!! I would like to have my old lifestyle back to an extend or at least the choice to have it back.

Second, I am slowly rotting away without a purpose. For awhile, I got by thinking that loving my husband and baby were enough. Now, my mindset has changed into a desire to have a career and not just a career, but something I can be proud of again. I mean, didn’t I go to college for a reason and wasn’t that supposed to give me a job? So what happened? I still hear that stupid radio ad (you know the one) about how people with 4 year degrees are suppose to make more than those without one.

Bullshit.

I say that as kindly as possible because it isn’t like I graduated with a poor GPA, far from it actually. So, when did I miss the boat? That great big sea of opportunity? I’ve resigned myself to becoming one of the masses selling the next great product and can only shake my head in disgust. This isn’t what I had planned.

I’m not even for sure how to pick back up with my blog, it’s been so long. I never meant to take such a hiatus in writing, but I suppose all writers have their moments when nothing comes. Of course, mine started out due to a lack of time and has slowly progressed into not having anything meaningful to say. At least it feels that way.

Yesterday was my birthday. It dawned on me that I am 32 now. Not, that I had forgotten. I simply had this weird moment where it feels as if being a child myself was ages ago. I can’t fathom that I have been on this earth that long. Yet, I know that’s only a glimmer to a true lifetime. And then I think to myself-  was it really ages ago? I catch myself sometimes, when I watch Baby G mastering a task or encountering something for the first time, remembering my own reactions or thoughts as a child. I’m not for sure exactly how to explain it. I guess that’s why there’s that saying that some parents chose to live through their children again. Anyway, it’s in these moments that I realize that time is really relative in the scheme of things, but us humans just have to go and find a way to measure it and drive ourselves crazy worrying about whether we have enough of it or we’ve used time efficently enough. Ba-hum-bug. I am simply not a fan of time.

We’ve had a whole mess of things happen in the last few months…Baby G landed the nasty fever blister virus through an encounter with the bug. Neither Bryan or I get them- so it’s disappointing that his little system can’t fight it off.  Which is rather crazy, considering somewhere around 80% of the population carries the virus, but only a select few are unlucky enough to fall prey to its wrath. Poor sweet guy. Unfortunately, this bug did a number on him- as it ended up around his eye (no thanks to the stand in doctor) and it was the worst I have ever seen our little man. We have to travel to Charleston next Friday to make sure it hasn’t gotten into his eye, which we are pretty confident it hasn’t- but one cannot be safe enough. His regular pediatrician has been a life saver and helped get him better within a week.

Because of this, he hasn’t had his checkup yet and this Friday he gets his 9/10 month shots and all his growth stats. Our little man is growing like a weed, minus his cold and losing some weight; it will be nice to see where he’s at.

He has also progressed to a whole plethora of new foods and has started refusing baby food or anything that doesn’t allow him a chance to ‘chew’.

On an even bigger note, we are now on month ten of breastfeeding!! I am so positively happy that we have made it this far- but I am not looking forward to weaning him on so many different levels.

He’s also ‘vrooming’ his toy truck around that his Mom-mom gave him and loves to sit in his playroom by himself looking at books. We are pretty sure he might stand by himself pretty soon, too.

So in retrospect, where has the time gone? All I hope is that I’m capturing enough of his babyhood before he becomes that toddler he’s growing so fast into. Don’t get me wrong, I love this adventurous and brave little boy he is becoming, but know at the same time how very much I am going to miss my baby.

It’s funny, I feel as if I am playing tug of war with myself all the time…trying to get just the ‘right’ amount of time (there’s that dreaded idea again) with my little man and then trying the find just the right balance for the rest of my life somewhere precarelessly in there, too. Yet, funny thing is- I keep thinking if I’m not careful…none of it will matter and it will be gone before I can even blink an eye. So, I try to say a prayer every night that I will cherish every.single.little.moment no matter how small or exhausting they sometimes can be.

My Climbing Monkey…

This is what we have been up to lately…p11000131

 

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So yes, we are still alive. As you can see my monkey is keeping me busy. But…hopefully we can resume some posts before long. I hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday season.

Stop and Remember When.

Here I am, the Queen of Inconsistency. Ahhh, what a relief that I can be somewhat predictable. I’m supposed to be getting ready for work, but that’s really not much fun. I have to cram in about 6 hours worth of work into a tiny space of 3 hours. Yep, so much for planning. So much for structure and scheduling. That was what we had said we were going to do about 2 months ago, but it has went out the window and flown away. Our daily lives are very unorganized.

Which brings me to why I woke up and walked, no RAN to my blog. I had a dream last night that I was traveling (possibly pregnant) [in my dream- let's not get any rumors started, shall we?] during a major storm. In this dream, there was a pregnant cat that was rainbow colored that couldn’t eat fish, a very large dog that was being nursed back to health after some unnamed accident and a large array of family and friends. That’s just a bit of what I remember. The dream began with me driving in my car as it rained in my hometown from one end to the other(through what is known as the Main road) when a siren went off to announce that a tornado was near.

Now, let’s get two things straight. We do have a siren in our town, but it is not for tornados. Second, although there have been a few reports through the years, we do not get tornados.

Well, as the dream progressed- I made my way through very distinct places trying desperately to dodge flying objects, torrential rains, and the tornado itself. Finally, we found shelter and the dream disapaited into me looking for someone and out of the blue, my older brother appears and announces he is going to cash in a few of his coffee stocks.

Yeah, not for sure where that ending was going…but, I think I know what the jest of this dream was saying. First off, it brought me back to one particular memory back in the late summer of ’97, when my good friend Anna and I were stuck in town during a very big rainstorm. A memory that has stuck with me throughout the years. (Seeing the actual year in type-print, is really making me feel old about now.) Anyway, we met up with another friend, got soaked, and headed to the lake after driving through the rain. It was apparently a big kick to try to drive in a downpour back then, especially when no one else is on the road and time just kinda stands still.

Well…tis dream and that particular memory reminded me of that simplicity and the thrill that existed during that time in my life. It was chaotic, but by far planned. Life simply occurred regardless of how much I tried to control it. I think the biggest thing I tried to do back then, was that I resisted growing up- and sometimes thinking back, I am very proud of myself for doing that. Because, although life now is wonderful (being a wife and mother)- I miss that spontaneity and the sheer joy of living. I don’t think I had a care in the world then. And, I want go back to being soaked in the excitement of simply living.

I think I’m going to sip my coffee and savor that memory a little bit longer this morning. I’m going to soak up all it has to offer for as long as I can today. Youcanrushtoworkforme.

I had the very best night of uninterrupted sleep in oh, let’s say ages. I can’t even remember the last time I acquired over 5 hours of sleep in the same setting. This is truly a remarkable event, so remarkable that I am writing it in my calendar in a red sharpie!! The day I regained my sleep!! Hallelujah!!

I feel like a NEW woman. Okay, I probably can’t make that claim just yet- but, I do feel pretty darn good considering 17 months of sleepless nights. (And yes, that may be a bit of an exageration.) 

If I were you, I would be DYING to know what I have to thank for this amazing feat?

That my dear friends would be ground up CHICKEN (seasoned in butter, thyme, and garlic) along with carrots, spinach, and peas. 

My little man gobbled up this concoction as if he had never eaten food before.  Who would have known meat would do the trick!?! He also drank my milk from a sippy cup. Is he growing up or what?

I made a big batch, too- which means we have about 8 servings left in the freezer and enough for tonight and tomorrow!!

I can’t even imagine 3 days of sleep. I am in heaven simply trying to imagine it.

I will try to post some photos of his new favorite food, as time permits.  Regardless of pictures, I will add the recipe in a few days. Mommies, the secret is out- meat is your friend!!

Sometime before Thanksgiving I went AWOL. Yes, it’s me and yes, I used to post on this blog. I can’t believe it’s been over 2 weeks since I wrote anything. I left my loyal readers probably shaking their heads and wondering if I had actually gone off the deep end. Yet, the very opposite is true. I have actually been enjoying life even with all that horrible teething going on. I have realized my baby is about to become a little boy. He is now 8 months old. Time has went by too fast. So, I am slowing down and watching it go by now. 

I have also enjoyed not having that irrational urge to publish a new post every single waking second. It’s sorta like coming off a nasty drug addiction. Now, that’s not to say I won’t be posting anymore. It simply means, I am taking a break from the amount of posts I will be publishing. I hope all of you that do read my blog on a daily (scratch that) now monthly basis, will stick around because you never know when I might get bored with the real world again or decide to post something interesting.

Hi, is anybody out there?

This is simply a friendly reminder, that although sleep deprived, I am here. I am drifting through this abyss of teething madness, trying to stay awake ten more minutes before- sleeping two hours, waking up to a fretting baby, change positions, nurse, go back to sleep, wake up at 4:30 a.m. to a frantic baby in search of a teether, oh there’s mommy’s nipple. go back to sleep, wake again at 6:30 a.m. decide to force self out of bed, shower, eat oatmeal, fix coffee, get dressed, pump, check email, work for 4 hours, come home to pump, eat lunch, return to work, home at 2 p.m., iron shirt for hubby, wash a load of clothes, try to start a business of my own, be a wife, be a daughter, keep our house clean, keep up with in-laws and friends, check email, blog, nurse Baby G…maybe.too.much…for my liking, feed the dogs, play with baby G, wish for a hottub bath inbetween, read something daily even if only a babybook, walk around the block. Change another dirty diaper, boy this child poops a lot! Pick up Baby G before he falls over again. Sit Baby G down on bottom, remove Baby G from climbing on bookcase four times in a row. Put Baby Einstein on and wish it lasted for two hours, become frantic that it only lasts 24.35 minutes. Rush around and then sink into chair, drained. Back up! I completely forgot to mention it’s time for baby G’s 3rd feeding of the day, make babyfood, make meal for self, remember vitamins for both of us, drink lots of water. 8:30 p.m. Down in the floor, preoccupied. 9:30 p.m. Bathtime. Is Daddy home yet? Brush my teeth, nurse. 10:30 p.m. Off to bed and tomorrow we go at it again.

I’m still getting the hang of this mommy stuff. I am exhausted.

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