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Posts Tagged ‘life’

Here it is another month and I’ve went and forgotten to start blogging again. I had all the earnest of heart anyone could imagine to get back in the swing of things, but it seems life will not let me. If it isn’t one thing, it sure is another. This past week, both Baby G and I have been sick and on top of that ALL OF LAST MONTH I have been trying desperately to find another job.

Before anyone shouts at me for even mentioning looking for another job in this economy, please let me explain. I am beyond myself in worry. Number one, we are getting by on practically one salary right now…which isn’t horrible as I know we have it much better than MOST folks, but after a year or so- enough’s enough!! I would like to have my old lifestyle back to an extend or at least the choice to have it back.

Second, I am slowly rotting away without a purpose. For awhile, I got by thinking that loving my husband and baby were enough. Now, my mindset has changed into a desire to have a career and not just a career, but something I can be proud of again. I mean, didn’t I go to college for a reason and wasn’t that supposed to give me a job? So what happened? I still hear that stupid radio ad (you know the one) about how people with 4 year degrees are suppose to make more than those without one.

Bullshit.

I say that as kindly as possible because it isn’t like I graduated with a poor GPA, far from it actually. So, when did I miss the boat? That great big sea of opportunity? I’ve resigned myself to becoming one of the masses selling the next great product and can only shake my head in disgust. This isn’t what I had planned.

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I’m not even for sure how to pick back up with my blog, it’s been so long. I never meant to take such a hiatus in writing, but I suppose all writers have their moments when nothing comes. Of course, mine started out due to a lack of time and has slowly progressed into not having anything meaningful to say. At least it feels that way.

Yesterday was my birthday. It dawned on me that I am 32 now. Not, that I had forgotten. I simply had this weird moment where it feels as if being a child myself was ages ago. I can’t fathom that I have been on this earth that long. Yet, I know that’s only a glimmer to a true lifetime. And then I think to myself-  was it really ages ago? I catch myself sometimes, when I watch Baby G mastering a task or encountering something for the first time, remembering my own reactions or thoughts as a child. I’m not for sure exactly how to explain it. I guess that’s why there’s that saying that some parents chose to live through their children again. Anyway, it’s in these moments that I realize that time is really relative in the scheme of things, but us humans just have to go and find a way to measure it and drive ourselves crazy worrying about whether we have enough of it or we’ve used time efficently enough. Ba-hum-bug. I am simply not a fan of time.

We’ve had a whole mess of things happen in the last few months…Baby G landed the nasty fever blister virus through an encounter with the bug. Neither Bryan or I get them- so it’s disappointing that his little system can’t fight it off.  Which is rather crazy, considering somewhere around 80% of the population carries the virus, but only a select few are unlucky enough to fall prey to its wrath. Poor sweet guy. Unfortunately, this bug did a number on him- as it ended up around his eye (no thanks to the stand in doctor) and it was the worst I have ever seen our little man. We have to travel to Charleston next Friday to make sure it hasn’t gotten into his eye, which we are pretty confident it hasn’t- but one cannot be safe enough. His regular pediatrician has been a life saver and helped get him better within a week.

Because of this, he hasn’t had his checkup yet and this Friday he gets his 9/10 month shots and all his growth stats. Our little man is growing like a weed, minus his cold and losing some weight; it will be nice to see where he’s at.

He has also progressed to a whole plethora of new foods and has started refusing baby food or anything that doesn’t allow him a chance to ‘chew’.

On an even bigger note, we are now on month ten of breastfeeding!! I am so positively happy that we have made it this far- but I am not looking forward to weaning him on so many different levels.

He’s also ‘vrooming’ his toy truck around that his Mom-mom gave him and loves to sit in his playroom by himself looking at books. We are pretty sure he might stand by himself pretty soon, too.

So in retrospect, where has the time gone? All I hope is that I’m capturing enough of his babyhood before he becomes that toddler he’s growing so fast into. Don’t get me wrong, I love this adventurous and brave little boy he is becoming, but know at the same time how very much I am going to miss my baby.

It’s funny, I feel as if I am playing tug of war with myself all the time…trying to get just the ‘right’ amount of time (there’s that dreaded idea again) with my little man and then trying the find just the right balance for the rest of my life somewhere precarelessly in there, too. Yet, funny thing is- I keep thinking if I’m not careful…none of it will matter and it will be gone before I can even blink an eye. So, I try to say a prayer every night that I will cherish every.single.little.moment no matter how small or exhausting they sometimes can be.

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My Climbing Monkey…

This is what we have been up to lately…p11000131

 

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So yes, we are still alive. As you can see my monkey is keeping me busy. But…hopefully we can resume some posts before long. I hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday season.

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This morning I woke up more alert than I have been in ages. Perhaps, it was the uninterrupted 6 hours of sleep I got (count that, six WHOLE hours…I feel like a NEW WOMAN!) or the fact that I knew if I was stealth enough, I could get up and manage to have a nice hour or so to myself before Baby G awakes. This morning is different than most mornings because:

a) the hubby doesn’t have to go to work

b) I don’t either

c) it’s Saturday!!

What a treat! So you can imagine my delight and urgency in enjoying the morning.

See that’s where my hubby and I differ. Even though I could definitely use the extra hours of sleep, my mind is going warp speed conceiving all the things I can jam-pack into my new window of opportunity. These moments are truly rare. They must be pounced upon the moment they arrive!

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In the midst of knowing I am racing against the clock, I started making coffee. In the last two months, I have slowly regained my obsession and sweet addiction with that first cup of Joe. In the process, I was frantically trying to plan out my morning. 

Literally, I was swimming in ideas. I was a college student writing a term paper.

I would blog first. I could schedule a couple of bills. Nah, not much fun. Oh, I can look up hams for Thanksgiving at the Honey Ham Company. No, wait…scratch that I will respond to those folks I keep intending to get back to via email and facebook. Then, I can also email overdue pictures of Baby G to the family. Although, isn’t that the POINT of this blog. Hell-o? Or, I could work on a few other projects and favors in the making. Then I thought, slow down Nelly! (Brakes applied.) I thought to myself, “You’re most likely chewing off more than you can chew.”

Lost in thought, I caught myself holding the refrigerator door open with the coffee pot in my left hand trying diligently to place it into the side door of the refrigerator. Yep, you heard that right. I’m confessing here, that it took me a second to realize what I was doing.

There was this weird moment, where my brain clicked and said to me, “Ahhh, psst…hey you…I don’t think that’s where that goes.” It WAS an extremely strange feeling, sorta out of a Salvador Dali type dream.

Salvador Dali, The Persistence of Memory, 1931

I am pretty sure that old adage applies this morning. Let’s hope for my sake, it’s simply a glimpse of the mind slightly slipping in older age, rather than the full Monty. Of course, I still think it’s too early to tell.

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Opps, Ladies! I didn’t mean I am going to be gone from blogging, only that if I am not as frequent it is because I am trying to find balance between it all. It being LIFE.

I wanted to let everyone know that if I hadn’t posted a comment on their blog in awhile, this was why and because last night as I was trying to figure out something to write about, I came across 2 blogs about parents lossing their children. (Yeah, so that’s where some of my funk came from.) Does that make sense?

Anyway, most likely, I will only be a bit less frequent in posts. Heck, but then again maybe I will start posting more? Who knows at this point. With the amount of sugar I have consumed in the last few days, I am wondering if a *special visitor’ is about to make a reappearance in my life. So maybe that’s another occasion for this mood of mine.

Regardless, don’t write me off just yet!!

I DO NEED ADVICE:

I’m actually thinking of scheduling activities, tasks, etc. for my days. I feel very chaotic anymore! Does anyone do this or have any experience on whether it works or not?

My TO-DO LIST is impossibly LONG and untouched. I need some structure.

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Originally, I was going to post about our visit with our good friends and their babies (which I still plan to post some photos later). Then, I changed my mind and decided my post would be about an environmental friendly house to make up for missing my weekly green day. But, at last that wasn’t really doing it for me either (although, that link and information will come.) Thing is, nothing has really been that intriguing to me lately in the form of writing about it. Call it what you will, writer’s block or plain laziness or one very active child and one very tired Momma. Either way, that’s what has been happening.

Of course, I thought to myself, ‘I can make something and post it on the blog’. And, so I made something. I made a Butternut Squash Soup. Yep, but I’m not going to post the recipe (not that it wasn’t any good, rather because that isn’t wasn’t doing it for me either.) Again, I continued to ponder. I searched my thoughts. I read other blogs. I thought about everything going on today. The economy. The election. Still nothing.

I can’t say why it wasn’t coming to me, but I do know I have been trying to balance more things in my life, start less projects, yada.yada.yada- you know that old song and dance. I have been somewhat sad I guess. I want so much for my blog to be a part of my life because I get such a release from it and from reading other blogs. Yet, somewhere in the last two weeks I realized- I need to be more concerned with watching Garrett grow up. As I was reminded earlier this week, to simply be still and watch because this first year flashes by and before you know it, the baby becomes a child. I can’t remember the exact words, as it was in a Baby Magazine. One of the 15 I subscribe to or somehow landed, the ones I never have time to read anymore.

That’s where I have been though, with my head in the clouds. Thinking how fast this all is going to go and trying desperately to savor every waking moment. It hurts a bit even now to think how precious time and life really is. It makes me sad to think of moments wasted, used up, dried up and gone. And it makes me want to do every little thing possible now. In our waking hours together. Probably, too many things at once- which I am already notoriously ADHD (starting and stopping projects on a whim.) Add to the mix, a crawling and babbling baby and my hands are really tied. Getting Garrett dressed is a full 30 minute ordeal with about 60 rolls in-between.

And just like that, he briefy waved goodbye to his Daddy. We have been practicing. (Him saying Momma was most likely a fluke because I can’t coax it out of him again to save my life.) We do have a raspberry blower. He did this repeatedly today as I showed him my belly! I am amazed at the things he is putting together. I have found that Garrett and I are both creatures of comfort. He has found his way back into our bed. SHHHH…don’t tell anybody.

And then, finally when I sat down to type, it came to me- how fast it could all change. 

Call it feeling blessed or even lucky…whatever it might be, it’s the reason for my stupor, my stink, my slowness here on the net. I just need to take the beauty of my baby and this life in for a few more moments. And then I will be back.

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There are a number of things I miss about our hometown, one being the changing of fall leaves and the crisp autumn nights and breezy sunny days. It has been years since I was home during this time of year, so it was a real treat and truly made both, Bryan and I realize just how gorgeous our sleep little town is year round.

Bryan’s parents have been hard at work building his mother’s dream house this year and it was FINALLY completed this week (well, other than a few minor details) and it was actually inspected the day after we arrived. Talk about close calls. It is truly a beautiful house, inside and out. His parents are trying to convince us to move home and live in their old house, which a few years back would have been taken with a grain of salt. Now, with a baby and no family nearby, the prospect seems tempting. If only there were a few jobs that beckoned with that offer we might actually take it serious. I wonder though, how strange would it be to live back in our hometown? Would it be ok, fabulous or utterly horrible? And there in lies the problem, the unknown of it all.

This is God’s country.

Here’s a taste of the simple life- courteous of the Whitetop Mountain Sorghum Molasses Festival. Whitetop is about 45 minutes from my hometown and even smaller than it. But, it brings old memories and spectacular scenery to mind that I wouldn’t trade for anything in this world.

We flatfooted to some bluegrass, ran into longtime friends and had old fashioned ice-cream to boot.

If that wasn’t enough, we bought maple syrup and apple butter to bring home and remind us of that simple time and place. Bryan and I have always said that if we were to ever move home, Grayson County is where we would want to live or at least have a small piece of land. I mean who wouldn’t want to live in such a beautiful place?

Oh, how I miss home. I could have sat listening to that bluegrass for hours or sat looking into those rolling hills until sunset.

 

The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same. Oh, don’t you hesitate.*

*Song lyrics by Corinne Bailey Rae’s ‘Put Your Records On’

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