Posts Tagged ‘postpartum’

I want my body back. Pretty peas, with sugar on top. I promise to take care it from now on.

I have come to the realization that my body will never be the same as it was before baby. It’s really simply a tiny fact in the scheme of things and I accept that. What I don’t accept is how broken I feel. I mean I thought pregnancy was uncomfortable, but now I think I can count my ailments on both hands and probably could continue to my toes. Some are of a private and unnecessary to disclose nature and others are the typical ‘my belly is now jelly’ type.

Yet, considering that a life is created within your womb and pushed out a very small area tends to remind me that maybe that’s why I have ailments that perplex me, birth surely does a wacky number to the female body. I recommend that anyone contemplating babies, make sure they are in excellente health before even attempting it, otherwise you might be broadcasting your aches and pains 11 months later all over the Internet, with absolutely no shame.

Here’s my top ten aftermath of childbirth: Which most likely are related, but are in no particular order.

10. Eczema and the inability to wear my wedding or engagement ring
9. No sense of smell (I sure hope the baby doesn’t smell)
8. A corn in the same toe on both feet
7. Horrible sciatica down my legs
6. Misaligned back (Yes, that’s me walking hunched over)
5. An ever-expanding midsection
4. Loss of memory
3. Unexplained bruises
2. Cracked and dry lips
1. Fill in the blank because it will probably be on my list tomorrow

And I didn’t even list the most annoying and painful one of them all. Be thankful I didn’t share that one.

Thanks for sympathizing in advance. Lord knows, I need it.


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A man must have created this odd suctioning contraption! For no woman in their right mind would have created anything that looks so sightly. A woman would have at least created it hands free. I hear they do make a bra now specifically for a pump…which, I’m sure was invented by a woman!

So, the first time I tried the sucker on (no pun intended) I literally couldn’t stop laughing- I wasn’t for sure if it was the sight or sensation, either way it wasn’t one of joy.

Of course, now it seems commonplace. Heck, I can even do it in the front seat of my car in a full parking lot or in the backseat of a moving vehicle as cars pass by and neither phase me.

Although, it is a godsend, especially in light of my issues when Garrett was only 2 weeks old. I rather wish it wasn’t necessary. (For those of you who don’t know, I landed a staph UTI infection (MRSA) courteous of our hospital and their wonderful job delivering Garrett) Let me quickly elaborate: because of the infection, I was forced to take antibiotics for 9 days. The antibiotics I needed were too strong for Garrett since he was under a month old, which meant I had to PUMP and DUMP.

PUMPING and DUMPING is pure EVIL. Why, well because breast milk is liquid gold, especially when its coming out of your own boobs and especially when you have already established breastfeeding with your baby! At the time, I was miserable (read HORMONAL and very very Postpartum) I cried at the drop of a hat. So imagine the flood waters when I had to feed my baby formula and still had to pump and see my milk be p-p-p-p-ooooouuurrrreeeddd down the drain. I shutter now, even thinking about it.

Luckily, we both got through the ordeal, but not without a couple of minor issues. Because I needed antibiotics immediately, Garrett was abruptly removed from my breast and given a bottle. You can imagine how upset he was, I’m positive he sensed how insanely distraught his mommy was given the situation too. After the antibiotics ran their course, I resumed breastfeeding- however, being so eager to get back to my baby, we didn’t ween him off the formula. This inevitably lead to another week of painful poo (we wrecked havoc on the poor little guy’s stomach). What’s more, Garrett was afraid that he might loss the boob again and became a CLING-ON. Therefore, week 3-6 of his life were very very emotional and dungeon-ness. He refused to be anywhere but at my breast or he screamed bloody murder. He has finally let go of this tendency but still requires the ‘NINNY’ in order to go to sleep. (NINNY a.k.a. BOOB)

Now as you can imagine, pumping really annoys me. Because although, it did help me keep my supply…it did dwindle some too. Pumping and dumping was hard to do while trying to feed him at the same time or at least in the same intervals, all while Bryan was working 14 hour days and no one was around! I’m not throwing a pity party over here, I’m just saying it was out of the ordinary and difficult given the circumstances.

The point to my blog, wasn’t about going into my ordeal, but rather to explain the irritating device and the upkeep of keeping it clean and having to deal with bottles. I really can’t stand it. When all I really need to do, is give my boy the ninny and life is good. Ahh, if only it were that easy. Since I am working again, I have to pump about twice a day to keep up my supply and some days I’m lazy because its a pain in the A@# to haul the contraption to work and stop what I am doing and go to the vehicle and pump in 100 degree weather! (It usually takes 40 minutes, just because I have to cool the car down first or I’m sweating like a pig!) And that’s what drives me crazy, I could be home and not going to all this trouble, I could be feeding him myself and then I remember all the different reasons I am pumping and I realize this is what being a mother is.

I guess it could be worse and I could be pumping as I work. Poor cows.

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For those of you new to the world of baby-land, FTM stands for FIRST TIME MOM, as in I haven’t a clue what I am doing, but please don’t offer me advice, because my hormones are raging so badly at the moment that I might literally bite your head off if you do.

So here’s my TOP TEN:
10. You will NOT, I repeat WILL NOT, have any time to yourself whatsoever. Forget about your favorite pastimes, TV shows, books, and relaxing tub baths. These may be attempted but they will inevitably be forgotten or end as quickly as they began. Likewise, simple tasks like checking email or paying bills will take days to complete. (This is true for at least the first 6 weeks)
9. You will become a ‘poop expert’. Enough said.

8. Some babies cry/fuss a whole lot and not because of colic, wet diapers or for being hungry….simply because they want to be held and they want to suck on mommy’s nipple, not a pacifier. His/her cries will literally BREAK your heart.


7. Random people will make you worry sick over your baby and whether or not he/she is “eating” enough or make you think that you are not the ‘mommy type’ with comments and occasional looks. Example: Your baby is over one month old and a stranger comments how ‘tiny’ your baby is or asks if he/she is a newborn? 6 WEEKS OLD is not a NEWBORN, at least not to you and 7 lbs. is NOT little!

6. Family, friends, neighbors will state “If you put the baby down, he’ll be alright….it never hurt a baby to cry” or “You’re going to spoil him if you keep holding him all the time” You blow up on them all and then hours later worry whether or not they are correct and you are spoiling your baby and making it impossible for anyone else to eventually watch him.
5. You will see your parents in a completely new light, a much softer and more forgiving light, finally you understand everything about them a little bit better now.
4. When the baby is asleep (after taking 2 hours to put him down) you feel anxious because he isn’t making any noises and so, you repeatedly check that he’s still breathing every ten minutes, preventing you from enjoying or accomplishing anything while baby sleeps.

3. The only way to put the baby to sleep is by motion (i.e. car rides, rocking or swinging), by sleeping with baby, feeding baby or by playing ‘white noise’ (i.e. hair dryer). For most effectiveness, these measures should be used in conjunction of one another.


2. When away from the baby (upon returning to work, or say going to the store without the baby) you will feel a sense of deep pleasure along with an intense guilt for leaving baby with daddy. Upon arrival, you feel great happiness that the baby is crying and wants and needs only you.

Drum roll please…. The NUMBER 1 thing a FTM needs to know about being a MOMMY is:
1. The worst part of pregnancy isn’t necessarily labor or delivery but in fact RECOVERY. Postpartum recovery is like a ticking time bomb and you are holding it in the utmost painful and uncomfortable position, trying to keep it from exploding. Modesty falls out the window. Absolutely no one warns you about this part. Yet hormones, sleepless nights, sitz baths, ice packs and all…baby melts your heart and makes it worth every single second.


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