My baby isn’t a baby anymore.

I’m not even for sure how to pick back up with my blog, it’s been so long. I never meant to take such a hiatus in writing, but I suppose all writers have their moments when nothing comes. Of course, mine started out due to a lack of time and has slowly progressed into not having anything meaningful to say. At least it feels that way.

Yesterday was my birthday. It dawned on me that I am 32 now. Not, that I had forgotten. I simply had this weird moment where it feels as if being a child myself was ages ago. I can’t fathom that I have been on this earth that long. Yet, I know that’s only a glimmer to a true lifetime. And then I think to myself-  was it really ages ago? I catch myself sometimes, when I watch Baby G mastering a task or encountering something for the first time, remembering my own reactions or thoughts as a child. I’m not for sure exactly how to explain it. I guess that’s why there’s that saying that some parents chose to live through their children again. Anyway, it’s in these moments that I realize that time is really relative in the scheme of things, but us humans just have to go and find a way to measure it and drive ourselves crazy worrying about whether we have enough of it or we’ve used time efficently enough. Ba-hum-bug. I am simply not a fan of time.

We’ve had a whole mess of things happen in the last few months…Baby G landed the nasty fever blister virus through an encounter with the bug. Neither Bryan or I get them- so it’s disappointing that his little system can’t fight it off.  Which is rather crazy, considering somewhere around 80% of the population carries the virus, but only a select few are unlucky enough to fall prey to its wrath. Poor sweet guy. Unfortunately, this bug did a number on him- as it ended up around his eye (no thanks to the stand in doctor) and it was the worst I have ever seen our little man. We have to travel to Charleston next Friday to make sure it hasn’t gotten into his eye, which we are pretty confident it hasn’t- but one cannot be safe enough. His regular pediatrician has been a life saver and helped get him better within a week.

Because of this, he hasn’t had his checkup yet and this Friday he gets his 9/10 month shots and all his growth stats. Our little man is growing like a weed, minus his cold and losing some weight; it will be nice to see where he’s at.

He has also progressed to a whole plethora of new foods and has started refusing baby food or anything that doesn’t allow him a chance to ‘chew’.

On an even bigger note, we are now on month ten of breastfeeding!! I am so positively happy that we have made it this far- but I am not looking forward to weaning him on so many different levels.

He’s also ‘vrooming’ his toy truck around that his Mom-mom gave him and loves to sit in his playroom by himself looking at books. We are pretty sure he might stand by himself pretty soon, too.

So in retrospect, where has the time gone? All I hope is that I’m capturing enough of his babyhood before he becomes that toddler he’s growing so fast into. Don’t get me wrong, I love this adventurous and brave little boy he is becoming, but know at the same time how very much I am going to miss my baby.

It’s funny, I feel as if I am playing tug of war with myself all the time…trying to get just the ‘right’ amount of time (there’s that dreaded idea again) with my little man and then trying the find just the right balance for the rest of my life somewhere precarelessly in there, too. Yet, funny thing is- I keep thinking if I’m not careful…none of it will matter and it will be gone before I can even blink an eye. So, I try to say a prayer every night that I will cherish every.single.little.moment no matter how small or exhausting they sometimes can be.

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Home is where the heart is.

Home has dual meaning to both Bryan and I. We have always referred to Marion and Surfside as our home. There are so many positives and negatives to both places that I think we have become torn on which really is home for us. But, as we made our trip ‘home’ this time, we found a different meaning to what and where home really is.

As soon as we were on the road, we both felt it…a peaceful realization that is, that brought with it the sense that we were a ‘true’ family now and therefore, wherever we went, there was our ‘home’. And it was more than apparent, as I looked around at our traveling arrangements. It was comical in many ways. In the front, Bryan drove and Floyd (our 13 year old Beagle-Hound mix) rode shotgun with the armrest as his pillow. In the backseat, Garrett and I were comfortably seated and holding up the rear, was Saelac (our 8 year old Rottie) enjoying the most space he’s ever had on a trip home! (If you could see his, you would understand why I write that…he’s 160 lbs of LOVE.) Not only did we have the boys with us. we also had a small u-haul trailer that we towed behind carrying our suitcases and a table for Bryan’s parents that we could no longer accommodate in the house. We were definitely a sight, but we were family and this was HOME for the next 7 hours.

In those hours I remember thinking, these are the best days of our lives. I had always thought that it was my teen years that were the best or maybe the year I turned 21, but as we traveled I realized we were making memories as a family. Memories, that would last for a lifetime and memories that would be told around the dinner table as Garrett grew older.

And yet, it never fails that whenever we hit the NC mountains, our hearts leap for joy to be entering the Blue Ridge country because we knew we were than much closer to being ‘home’. Memories of running through the hills when we were little come to mind. The landscape always takes us away, and brings us back to a simpler time. A carefree time, picking apples and blackberries. I fondly remember getting potatoes from the creek cellar or climbing trees in the twilight of evening. I think back to watching thunderstorms on the porch, as my paw-paw told stories and I snuggled up next to him. I remembered helping in the garden and then riding bikes on dirt roads and up into the mountains of Bear Creek. One of my most vivid winter memories, involved building a snowman in front of the Atkins Elementary School. It was a great place to grow up as a child.

We miss that beauty, simplicity, and family that Marion holds. Now more than ever, family means more than anything to us. We long to be near our relatives and wish for Garrett to be able to be close to his grandparents. We have contemplated moving closer many times and the feeling that we should gets stronger with each visit back…

Yet, we struggle with giving up the ‘home’ we have now and think about all the wonderful things that living here offers. A beautiful house with a big backyard that is only a short mile or so to the beach. The balmy nights and the sweet smell of Jasmine in the air and frogs singing outside the back deck. But, best of all, it has the three of us and a growing assortment of new memories that we will create as a family because this is where our hearts reside at the moment.

And perhaps, when Garrett grows older, he will look back on his memories of ‘home’ and they will be just as great as the ones we have of Marion.

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I DE-CLARE!

Sheesh….what a day! I am having one of those days in which I just can’t seem to get anything accomplished. I have one million things running through my head that I want to do and I can’t catch up! Doggone it! (is that even a word?) I am determined to at least write while little man is down for the count.

I ended my last post thinking I would pick back up with our trip and well I do intend to talk about, but with the million things running through my head, I thought it would be rather cute to show the resemblance between Bryan and Garrett as opposed to the similarities between Garrett and I. While back home, we ran across Bryan’s baby picture from the hospital when he was born and it’s shocking how much they look alike!! We found all kinds of goodies at Bryan’s parents’ house (everything from old ‘love’ letters to his blankie as a baby!) The old love letters were tossed after a few memories were joggled and his blankie is off to being repaired so that it might be used by Garrett too. We found old photos, a baby book and tons of stuff from Bryan’s Appalachian hiking days. We actually waited to go through everything once we got home, since we found everything tucked nicely away in an old trunk about an hour before we were leaving to return to home.

So anyway, before I go on about our trip let’s get this comparison out of the way!! (See I have a million thoughts going on….) Here is Garrett’s hospital picture compared to me (on the left) and Bryan (on the right):

I think the only thing similar to me is his ears and nose! Otherwise, I think he’s the spitting image of his father! Oh and get this, while browsing through all those goodies we found in the trunk was Bryan’s birth stats! I had wanted these from the day I found out I was pregnant! Garrett was only 2 ounces and 1/4 inch from being the exact same size as his daddy!

Looks as if the trip is going to have to wait after all. Garrett’s awake. Oh, how I am at his beck and call.

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