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Archive for the ‘All Things Evil’ Category

I woke up last night to a God awful dream. Bryan had come to me, like Steve did to Miranda and politely admitted to having an affair. But, not just any affair. The Affair. An affair with his X. You know the one.

First off Bryan would never have an affair. And to be fair, I’m big on reversing the senario- it always puts things into perspective. For example, I know I have no worries with an X because they are X’s for a reason. That usually works. 

{Edited to include:} In all honesty, I think everyone at one time or another thinks of their X. But, that’s it, its more of a fleeting thought and something you know is better left in the past. Because, ultimately you are two different people now.

The whole time Bryan and I have been together, I have never been paranoid. Well, minus the time I was five months pregnant with Garrett.

Oh, yeah that time. (Insert story of someone (I shant mention names) who works with Bryan- telling 5 month old pregnant woman that her husband thinks (said person) is a MILF.) First off, I find the very term ‘MILF’ unappealing, sexist, and crude. Call me a puritian if you will. But, it floats around way too freely these days. Not the point. This was something that infuriated me and changed my whole demeanor concerning our relationship. I went from easy going to crazy psychoatic lady within days. ‘Everything’s okay, Brook….you can calm back down that was almost a year ago.’ Even now, thinking of this scenario sends my blood boiling and causes me to find tons of insecurities in myself.

See thing is, Bryan’s job takes him away from me for very, very, long periods. We also work in seperate time zones. I am out the door by 9 a.m., he watches Baby G and then I am home by 2-3 p.m. and he leaves for work, only to arrive around 11 or so. We are akin to passing ships in the night and my day is much the way Becky describes her present life. 

We rarely get to hang out anymore. I mean, who has the time and wouldn’t blogging be more interesting. Kidding.

All this makes for a good soap opera, if you let it.

Seriously, Wednesdays are special nights. Bryan has inventory and if he doesn’t get home by midnight- I admit my radar starts going off and I think the unthinkable, even though I know without a doubt that he would never do anything. Thing is, that self-proclaimed MILF might do something. Not Bryan.

Last night, I simply called to say I was worried and went on to bed. Bryan arrived close to twenty minutes later and soon followed to bed. I woke up at 2 a.m. shouting- NO! NO! NO! By the time I had realized it was a dream, I was considering continuing my yelling simply because I felt the need for consoling. True story. I guess my reasons for posting this isn’t for sympathy, but rather to point out my reation wasn’t sadness as I had thought (as in when I witnessed Steve confess this same crime to Miranda)…it was shame and pure madness that he had respected me so little.

And, that got me to thinking…is infidelity actually about the sexual or rather that need for connection that gets lost in relationships over the years through marriage, family  and kids, bills and debt, goals and dreams? Or are we all a bunch of savages?

How do you cope with keeping the insecurities tucked ‘far, far, away’?

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As you know, Garrett has been teething around the clock. He wakes up in the middle of the night now and twists and turns. After a week of this, I was on the verge of not being able to function and Bryan actually soothed him back to sleep the last couple of nights so that I could catch some z’s- that is, until last night.

Garrett was in bed at his usual time and I stayed up waiting for Bryan to get home- we needed to talk about our ‘anniversary dinner’ and figure out what exactly would be on the agenda. Once home, we chatted and then I decided to go on to bed, so I could get a good night’s sleep in before having to work today. That was at midnight. Thinking back, it was one of those nights were the minute my head hit the pillow I was out.

Next thing I remember, I was somewhere in between a dream and Bryan yelling ‘OH NO!’ To which, I became panick strickened and confused. It was nearly 4 a.m. in the morning. I don’t remember the dream I was having, I just remember that the next two hours were the scariest and longest hours of my life.

Garrett had managed to climb down to our feet, across his father’s legs and you got it, smack down onto the hardwood floors. I have said it a thousand times, it was going to be my worst nightmare and it was. I simply didn’t believe it would be this soon, nor on his 6 month old birthday and our 1 year anniversary- all rolled into one.

The moment was painful for all three of us. Bryan scooped him into his arms as he cried bloody murder and I watched helplessly. I wanted to nurse him and hold him and make it all better- but I was also worried about ‘what if’s’. Once Bryan had him calmed down, I took him into my arms and started to nurse him, but he gagged and couldn’t seem to get the nursing idea down at the moment. I realized maybe we shouldn’t have moved him until we had turned the lights on or maybe he had a concussion and then I thought, well, what in the world do you do for that and how do you know if they have one? So many questions flooded my mind- How hard did he hit? Where did he hit? Will he be ok? Why didn’t I wake up? Why didn’t Bryan? How did he get to the end of the bed? Why was he going to the end of the bed, he never does that? I’m still questioning everything as I type and I still have a huge lump in my throat from it all.

After he gagged,  I had Bryan pull out our ‘family child book’ and look up ‘head injuries’. It seemed like an hour it took Bryan an hour to do this….I kept asking, “why can’t you find it….you need your glasses.”  I was distraught. Finally, Bryan made it to the page on head injuries and he read to me aloud what to do and what to watch for. (He should be woken up every few hours and watched carefully over the next 24-48 hours, especially if they act lethargic, are pale, sick or complaining of a severe headache while not acting like themselves.) He’s a baby, how can he tell us? This was excruciating.

At this point it was almost 5 a.m. and I wasn’t for sure how, I was going to go back to sleep, let alone him. I cradled him next to me and let him nurse for what seemed forever. He was having that ‘feeling of falling’ off and on as he went back to sleep. I held my hand at his belly making sure his breathing wasn’t labored and hadn’t stopped for almost an hour. I then began to cry silently. I had let my baby down and he was in pain because of me. I had become too comfortable and there were tons of signs! He almost fell off the couch yesterday and even managed to get further on the bed twice while I was simply dressing him. I should have known!

I’m not for sure how I went back to sleep myself, but I did and this morning it all seemed like such a bad dream. It wasn’t though. I have been searching for a bruise, however nothing as surfaced yet. Hopefully, that is a good thing. He seems to be fine, too. I certainly remember that thud very loudly. It chills me even thinking about it.

It is decided, his crib will be making an appearance in our bedroom tonight. See, that was some of the reason he was sleeping with us from the get go- his crib is all the way upstairs. We have canceled our plans for tonight for a later date so that we can ‘watch’ him and are going to have a nice candlelit dinner at home and be thankful that we are a family.

I am so thankful there are angels watching over my baby.

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Bikers that is.

Every autumn and every spring, Myrtle Beach falls prey to an influx of motorcycles. Three weeks long at three different times they arrive. One by one. On trailers and with RV’s. Not just a few- but, rather what appears to be thousands. They are everywhere and they are extremely loud. They wreck, they get drunk, they even die. In our quaint little beach town. Now, I have nothing against bikers, in general unless you count the traffic jams, the inability to leave windows down in the car at anytime of the day and listening to bikes through your front and back doors…around the clock for 4 straight nights. 

The 3 festivals of bike rallies here are horrible. So horrible that local ordinances are being tested as I type, with various strategies and regulations in the works to prevent their ‘free for all’ in our lovely little beach communities. I don’t mind that they are here- I mean it does bring in revenue and like I said I have nothing against the ‘husky smoking long haired -cut in front of me- bandana wearing leather pushers’ that arrive twice a year. Unless you count, the motorcycle that almost hit me as I was driving my newborn home one afternoon and he was crying hysterically at their LOUD A$$ motorcycles. Nor, do I have any beef for the ‘big black booty on the back of bikes’, either. (Try saying that one three times in a row!) But, I could do without seeing a thong and nothing else RIGHT in my face as I sit waiting for the light to turn green. Anyway, point is- they are welcome here.

Yet, with that welcome is the need to respect our communities and awknowledge that PEOPLE actually LIVE here with FAMILIES and believe that no matter what has been said, it isn’t a 24/7 brothal! Although, today I did ponder if it might be close to one. (Insert the AD on the radio for an ‘Amature’s Night’ at a local gentleman’s club for a free rack {=a.k.a. headlights, grill, boobs, breast} to the best dancer.) Yah, so very stylish and ever so sophisticated is my current residence.

Naturally, when I hear these things I wonder many times a week why we still live here.

See, and that’s the thing- that part of Myrtle Beach is secluded to say the least. Hidden, along with a sleu of other places I hope Garrett never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, sees. (And yes, that was me that frequented the bars lining Broadway- once coined by a friend as the ‘Red Light District’ of the U.S. many, many months ago. Ages actually. But, we will not go there.)

Let’s be honest though, I know he will ‘see’ these things, these places- despite my attempts to shun him from them. I only hope when he does see them they do not corrupt him and that he has enough moral character to resist their temptation or fascination.

In retrospect, I suppose this post is as much about my desire to find a place that is ‘family friendly’ for us to call home as it is about bikers invading the one we have now. I know they are here on vacation, but when they arrive they muddy the waters and make me rethink my sanity for living here.

I guess, I secretly hope these regulations will remind them that the person in the car beside them isn’t on vacation. Neither are they a stripper at a club to be gawked at from the sideview mirror. And that person you are staring at, has a baby in their car and the noise is infiltrating the glass bubble in which that baby lives and this mommy is simply NOT ready for YOU of all people to bust it. Because, we live here in this beautiful beach town unlike you, your bikes, the bandanas or the thongs.

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***NOTE: This post contains graphic pictures and links to 2 videos with graphic images on animals.

I swear I’m almost done with my political rantings…just give me one more month. (Ok, I don’t swear, but they will be considerly less by then.) So, here’s some more of the same concerning that ‘pretty face’ eyeing the White House. This is written by a friend and family member; it definitely warrants an audience- maybe just maybe it might open some eyes.

 The original post can be found here.

09/27/08 10:12AM 
Wrong Woman, Wrong Message…
I love that I live in a country where I am entitled to have my own opinion as well as the freedom of speech.  I love that I get the opportunity to vote, seeing as one time women were not allowed to.  I have to admit that I have contemplated what difference my vote for president would really make during the elections. I always come to the conclusion that the government and its politicians only have power because we as a people give it to them through our collective consent.

Therefore, this is my blog and my opinion.  I am not writing this blog to try and persuade others to vote the way I do.  I am writing this because I feel the need to voice some issues that are near and dear to my heart, as well as most likely many people have no idea that this is going on.  I am writing this solely because I care about the environment and animals, and they don’t have a voice.

So if you are interested in continuing onward, you will find some information that I have been researching on a certain Republican party candidate who is currently Governor of Alaska.  You will also view some gruesome pictures along with two videos, so get mentally prepared.  Again, this is just one of many reasonings as to why this heartless candidate will not be getting my vote.

*  SHE offers a bounty of $150 for each left front leg of freshly killed wolves.

* SHE promotes aerial hunting of wolves even though Alaskans voted twice to ban it. SHE uses $400,000 of state money to fund a propaganda campaign in support of aerial hunting. SHE believes that the trophy hunters should have no competition when it comes to hunting.

* SHE supports the use of state money to slaughter black and grizzly bears including cubs with the goal being to kill at least 60 percent of the population.  Again the reason for their executions is so that the moose and caribou populations will increase and give opportunity to the trophy hunters.

*SHE strongly supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.  It is home to hundreds of caribou who use the refuge as a calving ground, more than one million migratory birds, and countless other wildlife.  It’s the most important onshore denning habitat for female polar bears.  Senator McCain himself has repeatedly voted to protect this pristine wilderness area. 

* SHE is suing the federal government to prevent listing the polar bear as an endangered species.  SHE has argued that the “ice-dependent polar bear”, the first mammal granted Endangered under the Endangered Species Act because of global warming, “does not need additional protections”.  SHE argues that any development or activity requiring federal permits or using federal funds would have to engage in a “consultation” (which is mandated by the Endangered Species Act) process to ensure that the polar bears are not harmed.  SHE believes that the “consultation” “is a long and time-consuming process, and it’s basically a big time-and-money waster”.  Her conclusion, the polar bear isn’t worth it.

*SHE opposes the listing of the Cook Inlet beluga whales to threatened due to pressures ranging from pollution and toxins in the water to increased ship traffic.  She believes that if the belugas were listed as threatened, it may hinder oil and gas development ($).  And just for the record, since she apparently overlooked this memo, the Cook Inlet beluga whale numbers have decreased from 1300 in the 1980s to about 350 today. 

* SHE believes that man-made global warming is a farce!!!!!!  She refuses to believe or support that man-made fossil fuel emissions are responsible for global warming, defying worldwide scientific consensus.  And her drill-keep drilling-drill forever approach to energy issues will do nothing to ease the causes of global warming, promote the use of clean, renewable energy sources, or break our addiction to foreign oil. 

When it comes to animals, you won’t hear her talking about pro-life. The only thing SHE said in her speech at the Republican National Convention that (allegedly) wasn’t scripted was that she’s a “pit bull wearing lipstick”. What an insult to pit bulls! Because they’re often raised to be violent (always the people’s fault), they have an undeserved reputation for bloodthirstiness. SHE was raised that way, too, but at what point should a cruel human know better? Her need to want to destroy wolves and bears is bogus and I find it sad that she is from the great vast state of Alaska. I personally don’t think she has a clue about supporting the natural predator/prey balance and it is obvious that if this is her ability to look at a situation that has clear divisions between the right and wrong action and she is capable of coming down on the wrong side in spite of the obvious correct course of action, she is simply incapable of making balanced decisions. I understand that some people who refuse to live in a civilized society still have to hunt animals for their food, but there is a humane way of doing so.  This issue reminds me alot of the sealions in the pacific northwest being executed for eating salmon. Who would have ever thought that animals would be killed for doing what they are suppose to do naturally? Like a wise friend of mine said…..it’s kinda like a sniper sitting on the top of the grocery store when we go to get our food……..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQobIUE1zTU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6T85cOGc8L0

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Arachnophobia

I hope all of you will forgive my babbling from 1:30 a.m.- I was so tired I didn’t bother proofreading, nor did I get all of my points across (as the computer was hijacked by the wind and had to be restarted, so I lost half of what I had written) And yes, you read that correctly- we had MORE wind, this time a tropical storm (unnamed) that was almost as/if not as strong as Hanna.

Anyway, here it is Friday morning and the week is wrapping up. I haven’t accomplished nearly all the tasks I had at hand this week, both work wise and on the home front. Yet, I do have an excuse!

You see it appears we have been raided by a large group of spiders. I should have known two months ago when I didn’t seem to see as many spiders outside as usual. (I have always been of the nature, that spiders are good. I leave them alone and actually am very fascinated by them. As a little girl, I would check out books about spiders. I thought they were so amazing.)

Which, that’s all fine and dandy until they come INSIDE! In the last 2 weeks alone I have seen and I am not kidding either, about 20 spiders in this house. After 5 in two days, I sent Bryan on a mission to eradicate them.  However, they keep coming around. And, I the good mommy that I am continued to ask Bryan everyday ‘Are you sure you sprayed in there, or outside or upstairs?’

This week, Garrett landed a mysterious 8 different bites. (My poor sweet pea.) All at differing times. I was at wit’s end at one point and seriously thought he had a staph infection. I began sterilizing all his clothes in hot water, using witch hazel on the bites and simply cleaning in places I haven’t in awhile. (I thought perhaps my household neglect may have had something to do with his bites?) I was on the verge of paranoia and losing it. I think I am seeing spiders in the corner of my eyes now. I am still afraid to sit upstairs, as I had one sitting on the end of my finger unbeknown to ME as I was holding Garrett and talking on the phone. That was on Wednesday.

I think Bryan seriously thought I was crazy. He was sure it was ‘just’ mosquito bites, until this morning- I found a spider in the laundry basket with the dirty clothes!! AHHHHHH!!!! That’s it, we are calling an exterminator immediately! Needless to say, I am no longer as fond of spiders as I once was.

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I hate to do this, I really, really do. I know many of you probably shun at political talk on blogs, but I hope you will remain a reader, irregardless of your own beliefs because quite frankly someone needs to have the cohones to speak up about this ‘mess in the mini-skirt’. In this day and age, I think it is imperative that we care and make a stand for what we believe is right and/or wrong in this world. I think it’s important to understand that problems do not go away and cannot be swept under the carpet. Our whole political system needs to be reformed, yet as I have stated before the only way that will happen is when we actually PAY ATTENTION to the folks we elect into our local offices.

But, back to the matter at hand- I am flabbergasted that people would even think of electing someone because of their gender or race. So there, I mean that for the candidate I support as well. However, I hope that some of those folks voting for these reasons, take a closer look at how ignorant this woman is about politics. Everyone though Bush was bad, well you haven’t seen anything yet. (Take a look at her interview with Katie Couric.) She’s been bullshitting everyone since her days dressed as a ‘bulldog with lipstick’ it seems. She’s straight out of the high school SCA, elected because she was popular and pretty. I imagine some things will never change. Of course, she can give you an answer for anything, but it’s save to say she’s simply trying to dodge all those bullets rightfully aimed at her head. I think the lady has obviously bitten off more than she can chew. And for some reason, word is that McCain is trying to cancel the debate for tomorrow night- maybe in an attempt to further prep his own running mate. (Who’s slated to debate with Biden on October 2nd.) Perhaps, this latest ploy has everything to do with his running mate’s lack of knowledge and nothing to do with the current crisis at hand? Somebody, give me an amen.

Of course with that current crisis comes many more issues. Didn’t Republicans always support less government? I’ll save that for another day…my little one is ready for me to be a mommy not an activist or politician. Maybe, someone else should heed that advice, too?

(Edited after realizing I sound a bit like a blundering idiot when I am writing about politics at 1:30 a.m.)

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5 A.M. and I am WIDE awake.

I’ve had an eczema attack the past 2 nights. Last night, I was able to go back to sleep. Tonight, not so much- mainly because I think I have finally realized what has been plaguing me all these years. I an ALLERGIC to DAIRY. Mainly milk, but in large doses together, pretty much all things dairy. Ever since Garrett was conceived I have been paying more attention to what I eat and well, it simply makes sense now.

I had yogurt, butter, sour cream, ranch dressing, cheese, and ice-cream Saturday. And, I woke up itching. (face included) Yesterday, I had all the same minus ice-cream in much larger doses- mainly cheese and butter. Now, it isn’t severe. It’s manageable, but I feel as if my skin is crawling. I have also noticed I become very bloated after eating a meal high in the above. This has to be it, so without further ado I am removing dairy one by one from my diet. Lucky me, eh?

Two weeks ago, I removed milk (as in eating cereal) and my skin is no longer cracking on the sides of my lips. I have also removed any irritants from my skin, such as makeup, harsh soaps or washing dishes- but, this I have always done and they have never ‘triggered’ it only made already irritated skin worse. It makes so much more sense now. I have always worked in restaurants, consuming the food and never knew ‘the milk ingredients’ that I was ingesting. I also reintroduced a larger quantity of dairy when I found out I was pregnant with Garrett. I was worried I wasn’t getting enough calcium. Go figure and that’s really when my horrible flare-ups started back up!

It’s funny, too because when I look back to other times when my ‘allergy’ has been this severe- diary has always been a food I have eaten and continued to eat as I ‘eliminated’ things that came in contact with my skin rather than what I ingested. The more I think back, I DID grow up right next door to a DAIRY farm. Yep, I had milk out of a jug and butter scraped straight from the top of the milk. Hello?

Plus, my mother has always had allergies. My brother’s children have been seeing an allergist who is sure their own eczema is linked to dairy. My sister-in-law says she has seen definitely seen a difference when they consume dairy, too. 

Oh, and the dermatologist though this was an open and shut case of what I originally said I thought it was- but now I am thinking it isn’t at all. He believes the face and hands are unrelated, but I don’t at all- they act and itch exactly the same just as other areas do on my body during a flare up. He prescribed me the antibiotics and an acne medicine. Which seems like such a joke to try and mask an issue or kill good bacteria to get rid of something affecting your immune system. I have also noticed it is more at bay when I take Claritin regularly. But, that my friend is expensive! Even the dermatologist stated it’s hereditary and that an ‘allergist’ would recommend I remove all dairy from my diet. So, I am going to schedule an appointment with an allergist to get help in removing the right diary triggers because obviously some diary in the past hasn’t been as big of an issue for me. I need to figure out if it is the whey or the other type of enzyme in milk that is the culprit.

I am praying I have finally figured this out. Perhaps, this go around its been a bit of a blessing so I can try to keep Garrett from being as affected by this horrible condition. And yes, unfortunately he has 2 eczema patches behind his ears already. I’m determined not to let him suffer like I have.

Now, if only I can go back to sleep for a couple more hours and remember NO diary for the next week or two. Oh, what a ugly world it will be.

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