My baby isn’t a baby anymore.

I’m not even for sure how to pick back up with my blog, it’s been so long. I never meant to take such a hiatus in writing, but I suppose all writers have their moments when nothing comes. Of course, mine started out due to a lack of time and has slowly progressed into not having anything meaningful to say. At least it feels that way.

Yesterday was my birthday. It dawned on me that I am 32 now. Not, that I had forgotten. I simply had this weird moment where it feels as if being a child myself was ages ago. I can’t fathom that I have been on this earth that long. Yet, I know that’s only a glimmer to a true lifetime. And then I think to myself-  was it really ages ago? I catch myself sometimes, when I watch Baby G mastering a task or encountering something for the first time, remembering my own reactions or thoughts as a child. I’m not for sure exactly how to explain it. I guess that’s why there’s that saying that some parents chose to live through their children again. Anyway, it’s in these moments that I realize that time is really relative in the scheme of things, but us humans just have to go and find a way to measure it and drive ourselves crazy worrying about whether we have enough of it or we’ve used time efficently enough. Ba-hum-bug. I am simply not a fan of time.

We’ve had a whole mess of things happen in the last few months…Baby G landed the nasty fever blister virus through an encounter with the bug. Neither Bryan or I get them- so it’s disappointing that his little system can’t fight it off.  Which is rather crazy, considering somewhere around 80% of the population carries the virus, but only a select few are unlucky enough to fall prey to its wrath. Poor sweet guy. Unfortunately, this bug did a number on him- as it ended up around his eye (no thanks to the stand in doctor) and it was the worst I have ever seen our little man. We have to travel to Charleston next Friday to make sure it hasn’t gotten into his eye, which we are pretty confident it hasn’t- but one cannot be safe enough. His regular pediatrician has been a life saver and helped get him better within a week.

Because of this, he hasn’t had his checkup yet and this Friday he gets his 9/10 month shots and all his growth stats. Our little man is growing like a weed, minus his cold and losing some weight; it will be nice to see where he’s at.

He has also progressed to a whole plethora of new foods and has started refusing baby food or anything that doesn’t allow him a chance to ‘chew’.

On an even bigger note, we are now on month ten of breastfeeding!! I am so positively happy that we have made it this far- but I am not looking forward to weaning him on so many different levels.

He’s also ‘vrooming’ his toy truck around that his Mom-mom gave him and loves to sit in his playroom by himself looking at books. We are pretty sure he might stand by himself pretty soon, too.

So in retrospect, where has the time gone? All I hope is that I’m capturing enough of his babyhood before he becomes that toddler he’s growing so fast into. Don’t get me wrong, I love this adventurous and brave little boy he is becoming, but know at the same time how very much I am going to miss my baby.

It’s funny, I feel as if I am playing tug of war with myself all the time…trying to get just the ‘right’ amount of time (there’s that dreaded idea again) with my little man and then trying the find just the right balance for the rest of my life somewhere precarelessly in there, too. Yet, funny thing is- I keep thinking if I’m not careful…none of it will matter and it will be gone before I can even blink an eye. So, I try to say a prayer every night that I will cherish every.single.little.moment no matter how small or exhausting they sometimes can be.

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Misinterpretations

Opps, Ladies! I didn’t mean I am going to be gone from blogging, only that if I am not as frequent it is because I am trying to find balance between it all. It being LIFE.

I wanted to let everyone know that if I hadn’t posted a comment on their blog in awhile, this was why and because last night as I was trying to figure out something to write about, I came across 2 blogs about parents lossing their children. (Yeah, so that’s where some of my funk came from.) Does that make sense?

Anyway, most likely, I will only be a bit less frequent in posts. Heck, but then again maybe I will start posting more? Who knows at this point. With the amount of sugar I have consumed in the last few days, I am wondering if a *special visitor’ is about to make a reappearance in my life. So maybe that’s another occasion for this mood of mine.

Regardless, don’t write me off just yet!!

I DO NEED ADVICE:

I’m actually thinking of scheduling activities, tasks, etc. for my days. I feel very chaotic anymore! Does anyone do this or have any experience on whether it works or not?

My TO-DO LIST is impossibly LONG and untouched. I need some structure.

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A Good Dose of Reality

Originally, I was going to post about our visit with our good friends and their babies (which I still plan to post some photos later). Then, I changed my mind and decided my post would be about an environmental friendly house to make up for missing my weekly green day. But, at last that wasn’t really doing it for me either (although, that link and information will come.) Thing is, nothing has really been that intriguing to me lately in the form of writing about it. Call it what you will, writer’s block or plain laziness or one very active child and one very tired Momma. Either way, that’s what has been happening.

Of course, I thought to myself, ‘I can make something and post it on the blog’. And, so I made something. I made a Butternut Squash Soup. Yep, but I’m not going to post the recipe (not that it wasn’t any good, rather because that isn’t wasn’t doing it for me either.) Again, I continued to ponder. I searched my thoughts. I read other blogs. I thought about everything going on today. The economy. The election. Still nothing.

I can’t say why it wasn’t coming to me, but I do know I have been trying to balance more things in my life, start less projects, yada.yada.yada- you know that old song and dance. I have been somewhat sad I guess. I want so much for my blog to be a part of my life because I get such a release from it and from reading other blogs. Yet, somewhere in the last two weeks I realized- I need to be more concerned with watching Garrett grow up. As I was reminded earlier this week, to simply be still and watch because this first year flashes by and before you know it, the baby becomes a child. I can’t remember the exact words, as it was in a Baby Magazine. One of the 15 I subscribe to or somehow landed, the ones I never have time to read anymore.

That’s where I have been though, with my head in the clouds. Thinking how fast this all is going to go and trying desperately to savor every waking moment. It hurts a bit even now to think how precious time and life really is. It makes me sad to think of moments wasted, used up, dried up and gone. And it makes me want to do every little thing possible now. In our waking hours together. Probably, too many things at once- which I am already notoriously ADHD (starting and stopping projects on a whim.) Add to the mix, a crawling and babbling baby and my hands are really tied. Getting Garrett dressed is a full 30 minute ordeal with about 60 rolls in-between.

And just like that, he briefy waved goodbye to his Daddy. We have been practicing. (Him saying Momma was most likely a fluke because I can’t coax it out of him again to save my life.) We do have a raspberry blower. He did this repeatedly today as I showed him my belly! I am amazed at the things he is putting together. I have found that Garrett and I are both creatures of comfort. He has found his way back into our bed. SHHHH…don’t tell anybody.

And then, finally when I sat down to type, it came to me- how fast it could all change. 

Call it feeling blessed or even lucky…whatever it might be, it’s the reason for my stupor, my stink, my slowness here on the net. I just need to take the beauty of my baby and this life in for a few more moments. And then I will be back.

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